There has been some time for the dust to settle on the lost bananas at Casa Pedraza.
When this all went down, I asked myself, "Self, why isn't Tomas being honest about losing bananas at school?" I've said it before, and I'll say it again, Tomas isn't bad or malicious, so I don't think that is playing into his motivation here. Like most kids, Tomas loves to please...somewhere along the way he realized that it felt good when he came home and was able to report no bananas lost. Then he realized that his teacher and I weren't talking when he lost only one banana, so he didn't see the harm in keeping that information quiet, after all, Mommy is proud when I tell her I didn't lose any bananas! He was so caught up in this that he forgot that two lost bananas means a call home, so BUSTED!
After my initial shock (and anger) at his blatant, unwavering dishonesty passed, I puzzled out this motivation and Tomas and I had a chat. privileges lost was a given. Dishonesty like this is unacceptable. The question was what to do now. Clearly I no longer know whether to believe the statement, "I didn't lose an bananas today!" How do we get back to the point where Tomas can get that happy feeling when he gets off the bus and I can support him in that?
I emailed Tomas' teacher and told him about this conundrum (in addition to apologizing to his teacher for the fact that he said he hates her...not THAT word!!!!). I asked whether she could send a quick email every day stating how Tomas did...she came back with the idea of a notebook Tomas could keep in his backpack where she would make a note of whether he lost bananas. I thought this would work, and I never anticipated how well. Tomas was BEAMING with pride when he got off the bus with his notebook, happy to share a good report (and the fact that he had hugged his teacher and apologized for hurting her feelings).
Needless to say, I am thrilled with his sense of pride and ownership (as opposed to frustration or shame), and I thank his teachers for presenting the idea in such a positive light.
To further accountability, I needed to come up with a motivation/reward system at home that would help us focus on necessary tasks and give Tomas something to work toward. I had been putting this off for a while...things at home weren't as structured as they needed to be. Pete had been home for a while and we were just enjoying time with Daddy, but my kids need structure (I would dare generalize and say ALL kids need this). Tthis was the perfect opportunity to get out the proverbial whip (don't call DCFS...there is no actual whip in our house) and get this household back in shape.
I believe that intrinsic motivation is important and something we all value (this is why we talk about treating others the way we want to be treated and help eachother with chores and celebrate small successes with big smiles and cheers). However, let's be honest, even as a adults we all work for extrinsic motivation as well (salaries, bonuses, certificates). How to come up with a motivating system for Tomas...here's my thought process:
1. What does Tomas really enjoy? ...video games and legos
2. What are some things that we could work to improve (this list HAS to be small...no need to make this too overwhelming...we need to set realistic goals and enable success so we can build on that success)?...focus/task completion
3. How to tie these together? Tomas can earn coins...every coin is five minutes of video game time. He can choose to save up these coins and use them all on one day or use them as he earns them.
This has been very successful...if he comes home with a note that he kept all his bananas he earns two coins...tieing school into accountability at home. Throughout the day he gets the chance to earn coins (I aim for no more than six in a day...). There is an added rule, one that always helped in my classroom that seems to help at home too: if you ask me for a coin, my answer will always be no, even if I was about to give you one. This prevents the whole system from getting insanely frustrating with the nonstop, "Can I get a coin for that?" question, and it addresses the fact that I'm not going to pay him for every little thing that he does. I explained it this way, "When I give you something to do and it makes me say, 'Wow, he did an excellent job,' I might give you a coin, or when you do something without me having to ask, you might get a coin." I know this seems a bit arbitrary, but that is why it's so important to set specific, small goals (for Tomas, focus and task completion). This automatically takes away the arbitrary feel (or at least alleviates it).
I have to admit, we aren't using any actual coins yet. Right now it is hash marks on a dry erase board. I wanted to do a test run before doing something foolish like buying coins or spending hours cutting out card stock coins... Needless to say, it seems pretty successful so that is next (I'll post a picture of his coin holder when he is done with it.)
Gabriella now also wants to earn coins.Yesterday I told her that was alright but as I'm writing this I realize I need to make it more specific to her and what she needs to work on (for example, she immediately started moving toys around in an attempt to earn a coin...thank you sweet pants, but not really the point). She said she wants to earn video game time too, but she isn't really all that in to video games, so that will have to be adjusted too. Maybe turning in coins for actual money to purchase something like those Zoobles she's always asking for or crafts...
No comments:
Post a Comment